We Need More Sex Talks.

Yes. This is Michael and I am still born again. This is not a guest post. This station has not been hacked. I’m not under pressure. I’m not running mad. I’m not backsliding. I am fine. And I just wrote that. Here is why:

For some time now, I have been thinking about sex and where we all get the knowledge of it. I have been in gatherings where the need for sex talks between parents and their kids have been well emphasized (not overemphasized). I have heard stories about teenagers who have made great mistakes simply because they got their knowledge of sex from the wrong source. I have seen old men who regret not knowing about sex before having it. I have read stories of molestation, abuse, rape, failures of the formal sex education, premarital sex etc. and I have come to the conclusion that We Need More Sex Talks.

Some weeks ago, I participated in a Twitter #HapaChat with Magunga and questions were raised about sex education and the need for it. From then, I knew I would write this. And so, yesterday, I asked five of my guys the question,

 ‘Where did you get your knowledge of sex?’

At first, they looked at me with keen eyes and narrowed brows as though to be sure I was sane.

‘As in, sex. Where did you first know about it? Was it from your parents, movies, books…where?’ I asked again.

Chorus answer: ‘Parents bawo?’ 

First answer: I think it’s in me…like a default setting. And yeah, from friends. I got to know about sex from friends. You know, you hear your friends talk about some things and you don’t want to sound like a muggle, a novice; so you join in the talk and learn more. Sex is a thing everyone knows somehow,sha.

Second answer: Ha, Michael, that’s tough. Well, I think I learnt about sex from movies. Not sex movies ooo. But you know all these movies that out of twenty scenes, five have girls and boys kissing themselves and talking about going to the bed. Then you get curious about these things they do and the thing they say they want to do on the bed. So you ask your friends and they share knowledge.

Third answer: From friends. Not that I’m a gay or something ooo. Just from friends.

Fourth answer: We never had access to TV when we were small so it would not be from movies or TV. It’s a natural thing. It’s in me. Like God who created the drive also created the knowledge of how to satisfy the drive.

Fifth answer: My parents actually told me about sex but they didn’t introduce me to sex. I always knew about sex. From movies. From the TV. By the time my parents called me to give me what one can call sex education, I already knew what was involved. But hey, Michael, you know there are some children who actually catch their parents in the act and get beaten for it. Imagine!
After the above answers, I believed I had had enough from my friends so I took to Quora.  And below are the screenshots of what I got.

One thing we can conclude from this is that, we need more sex talks in the family. (Very soon, I will put up another story that inspired this.) 

We need parents who will, once they realize that their kids have discovered their sexuality, start teaching them all they need to know about sex. This might sound strange: Most of us have the wrong definition of sex. You hear people say stuffs like, ‘Sex is the right of a husband and the responsibility of a wife‘. With this type of definition, sexual abuse and rape is inevitable. You hear stuffs like, ‘Sex is what makes you a man. It is what confirms your manhood, your growth, your masculinity. How good you can handle a woman in bed shows how matured you are’. You hear stuffs like these and you wonder where these people get  their own definitions of sex. Well, I think it’s obvious. They get it from movies, from books ( eg. romance and erotic books), from friends, from stories. Sadly, some get these definitions from their parents. What do you expect a child who sees his mother being raped every night to think of sex? If care is not taken, he’d think of sex as something a man is entitled to and can get anytime anywhere, and if need be, forcefully.

This, I think, is one reason why we need sex talks. We can’t leave sex education to school counsellors and religious organizations alone. We need parents to call their children to the centre table and discuss this thing. We need fathers who will take their sons out on a stroll and while walking, explain to their sons that sex is never to be forcefully taken from anybody; that sex is not something you get from animals, from objects. We need mothers who will explain the concept of sex to their daughters, who will clarify things, who will correct the myth that, as a girl, you will get pregnant once you are ‘touched’ by a boy.

I was not introduced to sex by my parents. I learnt about it the other way. I learnt it from drawings on the walls of my primary school toilet.  This may be your story too. But the thing is this;  since we cannot save the past, we can secure the future. We will all become ‘parents’ one day. You will be doing your children or wards a very great disfavour if you leave them to the cold hands of the media to get the meaning of sex. You will be doing your kids a great disfavour if you are one of those who support the inclusion of sex education in the school curriculum so that you will not have to do anything.

We are in the Google generation. The generation that asks Google for answers to virtually everything. Yes, Google will have answers. But Google will not always have the right answers. It is our responsibility as parents and future parents to teach our children what sex is all about. The thing is, if you don’t, someone or something else will and you might not like that.

I will be a parent in the future. I will not want my children to learn about sex from drawings on toilet walls. I want them to get the right knowledge from me and from their mother. And that is why I believe that now more than any other time, We Need More Sex Talks.
P.S: I should have posted this yesterday but I couldn’t. Something happened to me that shook me; something sad. Who knows, I might write about it.

16 thoughts on “We Need More Sex Talks.

  1. This is really good, Michael.
    You know your introduction is a good one.
    I feel like you have called me to write or perhaps, think about what I have wrongly thought ‘not so important’.
    I read this sometime ago. It sounds somewhat strange, I know there is something so destroying about hearing the lie for a long time. More pity is it that distorted truths, or truths half told, have done more evil than the lie itself.
    Shouldn’t we cry for all those ideas we have about sex: sometimes, not totally wrong, but miles from the truth? And when we are done crying, we should find the truth and talk. About SEX.

    ‘The opposite of sexual impurity and sensuality is not prudery, moralism or false piety.
    How seriously Jesus warns against this! (Matt. 23:25-28)
    In everything we experience with our senses, our joy must be genuine and free.
    Pascal says: ‘The passions are most alive in those who want to renounce them.’
    When sensuality is repressed by moral compulsion rather than discipline from within, it will only find new channels of untruthfulness and perversity…

    People who seek purity do not despise sex. They are simply free from prudish fear and hypocritical shows of disgust. But they never lose reverence for the mystery of sex, and they will keep a respectful distance from it until they are called by God to enter its territory through marriage.’

    – God, Sex and Marriage.

    I have believed more in a few things than what I see in the lines above.

    We need more sex talks, but I hope we say the right things too. I hope we include the Father, and do away with thought that He is way too busy with clean and pure things to delve into such dirty details as what happens when a penis gets into a vagina.

    So Michael, I do not think you are running mad, but I very much think you’re crazy… And I love crazy people.

  2. Parents need to be intentional about educating their children on sex. With the amazing speed at which this world is moving, parents need to take the bull by it’s horns. In those days if you tell a girl not to move close to a boy because she would get pregnant, she won’t argue with you. She’ll just take it in hook, line and sinker.

    Tell the same to a girl in this generation and she’ll show you that naturally, God has created her to be a scientist. She wants to find out if it’s true or not, so she experiments.

    Churches also need to incorporate these teachings to help youths and teenagers. They’ve made it look like it’s sacred to talk about it.

    Sorry, your youths and teens are already learning from different sources, some of which are ungodly. The earlier you start teaching them from the godly perspective, the better.

    Stop telling us not do this or that with those condemning and judgmental tones. We’re naturally inquisitive. Tell us what sex is about, why we should not engage in premarital sex, why we should not succumb to peer pressures, why we should wait till we’re married. Tell us and back it up with God’s Word.

    God bless you IniOluwa! I’m sharing this!

    1. Whao! Glad to have you here, Sis. And you are right, the age of ‘condemning and judgemental tones’ is gone. We need understanding now.
      Thanks for sharing. Stick around!

  3. Great thoughts Mike.

    My first exposure to sex was probably through movies. I recall my dad bought a film and would not let us watch it together, I was curious. Then, one night in church I found myself naked with a lady and instinctively, I wanted to have sex with her. It was my ignorance that saved us that day. I did not know how not to get caught.

    So, I agree that parents have the responsibility to start teaching their children about sex as early as possible but then, we must do more. Parents must earn the trust of their children by being present in their growth process. Some kids will believe what their friends say about sex and ignore their parent’s advice. The problem is lack of trust. Above all, we must teach our children to love God more than the pleasures of sin. We must labour prayerfully for their purity and chastity.

    It’s a great work you are doing here brothelllr. God bless you.

  4. This is too true sadly.
    I don’t think any of us learnt about sex the right way.
    We just picked it up along the way, from any source that flashed it in our face.
    Right now I cannot even imagine myself having a sex talk with my folks, talk about awkward,lol.
    But I would definitely make that different with my kids by talking with them about every single tiny detail at the proper time.
    Great post, Mike.

  5. The post is old but the truth of it is ever fresh.
    We ‘children’ are becoming more aware and interested in this topic what with technology indeed and our parents had better accept this, stop calling us carnal, sinful, in need of deliverance and sit us down! The good thing is that we’re woke/getting woke, our children have a greater chance. I sincerely hope that, in that future generation, it would be such a normal thing for sex education to be discussed at home that any family that doesn’t is considered abnormal.

  6. For a long time, parents and the church have been complicit in allowing others to control the narrative of sex and sex education. If we want to inspire change, we must seize the narrative and have more Sex Talks!!

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