Letter to Anglomoz. #NOSUM
Good evening. How are you? How is your back? I know you are fine, looking good, enjoying yourself. I imagine you now in Forks and Fingers, doing the abominable, ordering three plates of rice and fish and chicken and fried plantain and spaghetti and beans. And then you sit down and enjoy the reward of your evil. Welldone.
You think you are smart, abi? You come by different names. In my former school, you were called ‘Blocking’ and here you have forged yourself a new name: Anglomoz. Nice.
You are actually cunny. I must give you that accolade. You bring out pretty fresh girls out of their hostels and rush to boys hostel to get the Adams out too. And then you bring the two groups together under your canopy and let them waste 30 minutes to one hour in your abode, gisting about things. Afterall, what is 30 mins after 9pm and a hard day’s work?
I know you are surprised that am writing to you. And now you are trying to remember where we met. Keep trying. And now you are wondering why I am writing you since I do not sound like one of your victims. Chill, I will let you know. Afterall, what’s a letter without a purpose? Relax.
Because there is no darkness in Awolowo’s university, my friend and I were going to our hostels from the SUB some minutes past ten. On our way, I saw your handiwork. I saw the beautiful ladies and promising guys you gather in front of Alumni Hall, doing what the mouth cannot utter. It was a beautiful sight, I must confess. The girls, boys, laughs, ‘blushings’, smiles. You are trying, my friend. Now, I have a question for you. Why did you migrate from Anglomoz to Alumni? Here, I think is why.
OAU is a home to numerous fellowships. If the pulpit is where you see yourself on in the next ten years and you want to get a place to start, Awolowo is available. There are countless fellowships here. And every single minute, as a fresher, you get invites from different fellowships to join them. Am sure you, my dear Anglomoz, that you know this. And that is why. That is why you migrated your people to Alumni because you know they will be disturbed at Anglomoz by christian brothers with their sermons and that might make you lose your customers. So you ask fast and migrate. Brilliant.
See, MOZ 101 (Yeah, I know your nickname.) I am not against you. I know it is not everybody in Anglomoz that is a pervert. I know there are boys and girls discussing sensible things over there. I know there are girls who come out of their hostels at that time, not because they want to practice what they watch prostitutes do in Yoruba movies, but because they have an aim, a positive one. I know this…because I know it. So why this annoying letter?
Today is Virginity Day. You’ve never heard it? Sorry. Well, today is the day and am writing to you because I know you, my dear Anglomoz, play a very sensitive role in the relationship and sexual life of many students here. And because you are very influential, I want to utilize your influence. You should be happy. At least you want to be on the good side for the first time.
When they troop out in their hundreds to do what they are not allowed to do at home, tell them. Tell them that life is but a shadow, passing away, a dark shadow that only the Light of Christ’s salvation can make bright. A shadow that grows darker and grimmer as the day goes by. A shadow that waits impatiently for The Grim Reaper to come with his destructive tool. Tell them this and make them hear.
Tell them also that today is Virginity day. They should remain pure. What’s the point in eating a fruit when it is not yet ripe when you can wait for the right time and enjoy it ten times better? What’s the point in getting an oversized shirt when you know you have not grown up enough to make it fit you? Virginity is purity. Tell them to keep away from, not only sex, but all other acts of sexual uncleanliness. Tell them to look smooching in the eye and spit out. Tell them to write a defiant letter to snogging in dark places under dark trees. Tell the maidens to refrain from getting sexually attracted to their fellow sisters. No human being, in fact animal, is born a lesbian. Tell the guys to look away from gayness. America is not our manual. Tell them to hold their skirts and trousers up tight. Tell them to be bold, to be sharp, to be smart, to be watchful. And to be prayerful. Prayerful.
Tell those already defiled: Virginity is not the only form of purity. If a tree loses a fruit, does it start crying and stop producing? Does it not stay sombre and then determine never to lose any more? Does it not determine to be an example to others and an adviser to similar trees in similar boots? Does it decide to keep losing all it has until it is nothing but a dead fig tree awaiting a prophet’s curse? Even if it loses its biggest fruit, does that make it completely fruitless and useless? No, it does not. A wise tree will seek advice and turn to its Creator.
I will drop my pen here , dear Anglomoz. My regards to the girls in Moremi Hall. I respect that hall. Say me well to the Pumbaas in Angola. In case, you visit Fego under your other name, Blocking, greet the people there. I would have sent you to my brother but he is currently on break. Greet all those in Sports centre as I write. I greet you. My name is Michael Inioluwa Oladele. If that is too long, call me Mikeinioluwa. If that’s too long, don’t call me at all if. Yeah! I’m Michael and am writing from Awolowo Hall. Stay pure.